Noun: Heartbreak- Overwhelming mental anguish or grief, especially that caused by loss or disappointment."
There are different sizes of heartbreak, the one that you can put into your pocket and eventually forget about, or there is the one where you wonder how the world can keep turning and how people can keep living their lives whilst yours feels likes it shattered into small insignificant pieces around you.
I had my heartbroken once. I was 15 and it was horrible. He wasn't my boyfriend which made it even worse, he was my friend or should I say..I thought he was my friend. I realise now that a friend wouldn't have treated me the way he did.
At 15, you know it all. You fall in love and it is going to be forever. The friends you have now will be your friends for life and you'll never find new ones. You know the career path you are going to take and nothing will get in the way. Life is great.
Looking back now, I had no idea.
I thought I was in love. He made me feel like it was love. He made me laugh and feel good about myself. Like finally something in my life was perfect and I finally had something right.
That's the way he made me feel when we were together, just us two. Around other people, this was a different story.
He ignored me, to the point where he wouldn't even look at me in the school corridors. We hung around with the same people at lunch and even sat next to each other in a few classes, but it was like I didn't exist, until he wanted me to. As soon as he showed me that small sliver of acknowledgment, a text, a conversation, even a subtle glance..I grasped at it like it was a lifeline. Finally my life has purpose again and this time would be different..we would fall in love and be together forever. He hadn't meant to ignore me all those times..he hadn't meant to make me feel worthless. He just didn't realise he loved me yet..but he would. Of course he would. Right?
.....No.
I hated the person I was then, I became somebody who wasn't me. Someone who pushed their friends away. Someone who valued..him, more than family, friends..myself. I regret it all now. He got in the way of my life, living it the way I wanted. I would drop everything and anything to spend just 5 minutes being just us. Just us two, because that is when everything was perfect. In my eyes anyway.
Eventually..everything stopped. We left School and left behind whatever it was that we had. A huge mess. I didn't know what I was going to do. How could life just keep on going? How could I go to College and meet new people, knowing he wouldn't be there? How could I go through the days without those five minutes of just us? Those five minutes that could mean so much to me, yet nothing to him.
My heart was officially broken. My whole life felt broken.
Then I met Aaron. He showed me true, honest, requited love and how precious it can be. My heart may have been broken, but I was thankful for it. It gave Aaron the chance to put it back together and he did. By god did he.
I am lucky enough to have had my heart broken, but put back together..by someone who loves me back and makes me the person I want to be. I value my friends, my family and myself again.
I am also lucky enough to get more than five minutes to be loved. I have had seven crazy, romantic, sometimes down right annoying years. With the plan for many more.
He is the light that my broken heart let in.
Heartbreak is one of the worse things you can go through. Let yourself be sad, emotional and down right pissed off. You've earned the right. No one can tell you it's easy. It isn't. Just believe that you will find love again, because you will and it will be worth all the heartbreaks in the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment